Monday, September 24, 2012

Just Another Manic Monday

It's Monday, but not manic.  :)
We try not to do manic here.  The kiddos are entrenched in the assignments and studies of the day.  I am getting ready to power down the laptop and power up my arms and legs and brain.  There are writing assignments to edit, spelling rules to reinforce, history lessons to read, math the check (and then re-check)... you get the picture.  There is laundry, toilets, counters, floors, etc. to be cleaned.  There is a multitude of paper work and books needing attention.  There are appointments to be made.
It's just stuff.... not worth putting into words, but since I don't facebook, I thought I'd share mundane, needless, personal details right here!  

But the real reason for posting this morning is to count my gifts.... out loud.  :)

~ the friends and family that have loved on my mama during this time of uncertainty and trial.*

~ a pumpkin candle that really does make the whole kitchen smell like pumpkin

~ sickness that is short-lived, but long enough to remind me how blessed we are

~ being absolutely certain of what I do NOT want to do

~ the way He woos me to Himself, when.... why should He?

~ a new church.... maybe not THE church, but a place where we are learning about...
~ the possibility of being in missional community with others
~ what it might look like to focus outwardly
~ how the Holy Spirit can show up even if the music is way too loud

~ how beauty on the inside SO determines what is seen from the outside
~ how you can ride that truth in a lot of different directions all to the same great end

~ God's imagination

~ figuring out what's worthwhile 
~ figuring out what's not
~ knowing all the figuring comes from Him:  Thank You Lord!!!

~ how counting blessings nurtures contentment
~ how that is an awesome universal truth
~ Jesus, the Source of all truth
~ the privilege of showing others all of the above

~ how we can't be good at everything, but at just a few
~ how knowing this simplifies so much

** Please continue to pray for my mama.  We discovered her cancer is stage III.   She will begin chemo in a few weeks, most likely.  Please pray with us for complete healing, and that she will find the Lord faithful to meet her every need.  

Monday, September 17, 2012

For When You Break the Mold

Fitting in has never been easy for me.  I've just always been a little weird.  Really.  It's not something I'm proud of.  I've fought it time and again.  And I imagine, actually, that quite a lot of folks feel this way.  I may be weird, but as it turns out, not so original.  

So what do you do when your not like everyone else and you wonder if that's OK?

I'm not a teacher, and this isn't gospel, but it's what I have to offer:

Be in the Word.  This might seem obvious, but I want to qualify it:  Be in the Word alone.
I'm not suggesting anyone stop studying scripture corporately.  Heavens no!  As I wrote last week, we can't forsake the fellowship of believers.  That includes learning together and gleaning from those who are smarter than you.  BUT... at the end of the day, you've got to wrestle with His truth alone.  You've got to read it as you would read it.  You've got to ask the Holy Spirit to correct your blind spots and you've got to trust that He can speak to you directly, because the people that are generally smarter than you are specifically wrong about one thing or another at some time or another. 

Confess and repent.  As you come to terms with those aforementioned blind spots, confess them,  and apply all the scriptural instruction you can find in changing your course.  Sometimes we break the mold, not because we are unique and special, but because we are just. wrong.  If we can trust the Holy Spirit to convict us, we can trust Him to help us change.

And consider this:  You are no longer a slave to sin.  That doesn't mean you will no longer accomplish the devil's work, but he is not your master.  You've been freed not just from something, but
for something.

Accept that He created you as you are.  Live in peace, not with your sin, but with yourself.  You are not your sin.  Yes, you can separate yourself from it, and when you do, what is left is who you are.  Accept that person.  He loves that person very, very much.  He sacrificed much for her.
And there is no inner you and outer you, there's just you.  It would be gnostic to say otherwise, so don't.  Perhaps if you have trouble finding beauty in yourself, you have a skewed understanding of beauty.  Perhaps you should ask Him to broaden your understanding of goodness and beauty and what it really means to have been created in His image.  If you've been shooting fiery darts of insult towards your own reflection (either physical or spiritual), you've insulted God Himself.  You've also proven yourself to be self-absorbed.  Go back to step 2, and confess and repent.

Finally, in the words of Elisabeth Elliot:  Do the next thing.
Get on with your living, let go of what you wish was different about you or your life.  Live the cards your dealt with joy.  You can't live 100 different lives, you only get one.  Spend it well.  If you're a fighter do it righteously and with courage.  If you are a peacemaker, make peace!  Don't wish you could fight better.  If you are short, be happy for the opportunity to see people at your level and for the built in humility that such stature affords.  If you're tall, look out towards the horizon and see what others can't and lead them where they couldn't go without you.  Whatever you do, don't wish to be doing something different from what you're doing now.  Change does come, and sometimes, even dramatically.... but it is accomplished through a series of "next things".  So do what is in front of you, and be who you are right now.

You don't have to be comfortable in a mold, but you do need to be comfortable in your own skin.

And here's counting some of the many blessings come my way:

~ my mother coming through surgery well, and recovering
~ my sisters surrounding her with love and care
~ knowing so many prayers were lifted up on my sweet mama's behalf

~ Holy Spirit direction that doesn't always feel like 'direction'

~ watching my girl steal home on a slide to win the game for her team

~ the most beautiful, warm September weather I've experienced while living in Oregon

~ having my children close to me

~ learning to see with His vision
~ learning to let go 
~ learning to avoid old rabbit trails 

~ books to educate
~ books to entertain
~ books to ponder
~ books to initiate change

~ the chance to love

Monday, September 10, 2012

How to Feel at Home in Church


Yesterday marked the I-don't-know-how-many-eth Sunday in our quest for a church home.  We've been to tiny churches and mega churches.   Expository vs. Topical.  Take communion in your seat or in the back-- corporately or  as individuals.  Worship with full bands or one guy with a guitar.  Some have been missionally oriented while others are quite insular.  Kids come in or sometimes they aren't allowed at all.  Almost always, they are certainly not there for the duration of church.  Goodness, who could possibly expect them to sit through an entire service?
It's feeling like a long, long road.

Did I mention, we're not looking for perfection?  We really aren't.  Everyone says that.... 'there's no perfect church.'  We say it and we mean it.  Our years are earning us something in regard to the wisdom  inherent in that admission:  There is no perfect church.  This isn't our first rodeo.  Greg and I have learned that what many regard as glittery is often not made of gold.  Usually it's more rather like an epoxy surface that once scratched chips off into plastic-y slivers all over an otherwise perfectly clean floor.

And there are these places of weak, synthetic reinforcement in all churches.  Places where the gold ran out and they're trying to cover it.  It won't last and it eventually wears away, exposing the lack underneath.  This is, I've come to believe, inevitable on this side of eternity.  The prideful human spirit cannot withstand the divulgence of it's own great poverty.   And so it is with churches, making right all of those naysayers who warn that our churches are filled with hypocrites.  It is true.  Perhaps it takes a hypocrite to know it is true.

So with all of this, thank God our hope is in Jesus.  Thank Him that we can and should choose to assemble together despite the imperfection of it all.  Thank Him that it's possible to get our medicine still from such a dirty cup.  Thank Him that he shows us that even on our first day, somewhere new, we really do fit in as each congregant wears the same matching garment of filthy rags.

Thank Him that despite our misgivings and judgements,  reality prescribes we really do feel at home in church.

counting more blessings:

getting the Nod to write again
the lick-my-lips excitement I feel about this

the help of a woman I've never met to do things I've never done well

school that is hard, where we learn much

libraries like candy stores

living adventure through my dear Sweet T

*cancer surgery (it can be removed!!)
a Mama that is trusting Him
a sister that will be there
another sister bridging the gap
the way they and we love

him and me in unity

 the sight of my boy riding his bike down the road to buy his own lunch

forget what they say:  there are plenty of Christians in Portland
His church is dirty and messed up,  but alive and kicking

holding onto my kids for a full church service
knowing how right that was

* Please be praying for my mama.  Her cancer surgery is this Wed., Sept. 12th 11:45am EST.