For When You Break the Mold

Fitting in has never been easy for me.  I've just always been a little weird.  Really.  It's not something I'm proud of.  I've fought it time and again.  And I imagine, actually, that quite a lot of folks feel this way.  I may be weird, but as it turns out, not so original.  

So what do you do when your not like everyone else and you wonder if that's OK?

I'm not a teacher, and this isn't gospel, but it's what I have to offer:

Be in the Word.  This might seem obvious, but I want to qualify it:  Be in the Word alone.

I'm not suggesting anyone stop studying scripture corporately.  Heavens no!  As I wrote last week, we can't forsake the fellowship of believers.  That includes learning together and gleaning from those who are smarter than you.  BUT... at the end of the day, you've got to wrestle with His truth alone.  You've got to read it as you would read it.  You've got to ask the Holy Spirit to correct your blind spots and you've got to trust that He can speak to you directly, because the people that are generally smarter than you are specifically wrong about one thing or another at some time or another. 

Confess and repent.  As you come to terms with those aforementioned blind spots, confess them,  and apply all the scriptural instruction you can find in changing your course.  Sometimes we break the mold, not because we are unique and special, but because we are just. wrong.  If we can trust the Holy Spirit to convict us, we can trust Him to help us change.

And consider this:  You are no longer a slave to sin.  That doesn't mean you will no longer accomplish the devil's work, but he is not your master.  You've been freed not just from something, but
for something.

Accept that He created you as you are.  Live in peace, not with your sin, but with yourself.  You are not your sin.  Yes, you can separate yourself from it, and when you do, what is left is who you are.  Accept that person.  He loves that person very, very much.  He sacrificed much for her.
And there is no inner you and outer you, there's just you.  It would be gnostic to say otherwise, so don't.  Perhaps if you have trouble finding beauty in yourself, you have a skewed understanding of beauty.  Perhaps you should ask Him to broaden your understanding of goodness and beauty and what it really means to have been created in His image.  If you've been shooting fiery darts of insult towards your own reflection (either physical or spiritual), you've insulted God Himself.  You've also proven yourself to be self-absorbed.  Go back to step 2, and confess and repent.

Finally, in the words of Elisabeth Elliot:  Do the next thing.
Get on with your living, let go of what you wish was different about you or your life.  Live the cards your dealt with joy.  You can't live 100 different lives, you only get one.  Spend it well.  If you're a fighter do it righteously and with courage.  If you are a peacemaker, make peace!  Don't wish you could fight better.  If you are short, be happy for the opportunity to see people at your level and for the built in humility that such stature affords.  If you're tall, look out towards the horizon and see what others can't and lead them where they couldn't go without you.  Whatever you do, don't wish to be doing something different from what you're doing now.  Change does come, and sometimes, even dramatically.... but it is accomplished through a series of "next things".  So do what is in front of you, and be who you are right now.

You don't have to be comfortable in a mold, but you do need to be comfortable in your own skin.

And here's counting some of the many blessings come my way:

~ my mother coming through surgery well, and recovering

~ my sisters surrounding her with love and care

~ knowing so many prayers were lifted up on my sweet mama's behalf

~ Holy Spirit direction that doesn't always feel like 'direction'

~ watching my girl steal home on a slide to win the game for her team

~ the most beautiful, warm September weather I've experienced while living in Oregon

~ having my children close to me

~ learning to see with His vision

~ learning to let go 

~ learning to avoid old rabbit trails 

~ books to educate

~ books to entertain

~ books to ponder

~ books to initiate change

~ the chance to love