Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Discretion, Circumspection and Plain Old Prudence
1The proverbs of Solomon son of David, king of Israel:
2for attaining wisdom and discipline;
for understanding words of insight;
3for acquiring a disciplined and prudent life,
doing what is right and just and fair;
4for giving prudence to the simple,
knowledge and discretion to the young—
5let the wise listen and add to their learning,
and let the discerning get guidance—
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.
I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence;
I possess knowledge and discretion.
As I've been pondering the place of boundaries in my life, the topic of discretion now presents itself.
I realize that much of the hurt and disillusionment I am experiencing with some of the human relationships in my life have come about due to a lack of prudence on my part.
You see, I am good at keeping other people's secrets, but I am bad at keeping my own.
I'm not sure why this is. I could chalk it up to talking too much, but I think it's more than that. It's that needing approval thing again. I think.
I am eager to share my heart with others and be affirmed.
Also, I always liked the idea that with me, people know what they are getting. I don't hide stuff or play mind games with people. What you see is what you get, sort-of-thing.
But sometimes I assume someone is interested in my heart when they really aren't.
Halfway through explaining some great idea I had or something new I learned, I notice the person I am talking to, their eyes are glazing over and they have a kind of plastic smile that looks very polite.... and I am wrecked.
I realize I trusted something precious, a piece of me, to someone who really could care less (even if they are someone who seemingly should care more).
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Matthew 7:6
Specifically, Jesus is talking about sharing the gospel with combatant non-believers, but I think a similar application could be made regarding sharing something very precious with someone who is unable to have any appreciation for it.
I'm still not sure how to have healthy boundaries without becoming overly self-aware or come off as snobbish or distant. I know there is a balance somewhere in all that.
What I do know, is that some people simply are not 'safe'. And there are matters of the heart and soul that are private.
It's not melodramatic or melancholy, it just is what it is.
Proverbs 4:23 instructs:
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
Sometimes I think we can share our heart and still guard it by keeping a tight check on our expectations. And then sometimes, I think we just need to keep our mouths shut. :)
I'll be "shutting up" and tuning out this coming month, with the exception of keeping my gratitude list going on Mondays (the Gratitude Community has been a wonderful accountability tool!).
Perhaps I will find that silence is golden!