What I Learned on Vacation

Rest is good.

The end of our vacation comes tomorrow. We have been away from home for over three-and-a-half weeks. Our time leading up to vacation was like a firestorm. It wore me out more than I realized. I needed watering, feeding and nourishing. I had not noticed how bone-dry the well had become.

Shortly after arriving back to the South, I went swiftly into visitation mode. Seeking to connect with as many as I could.... many more than was possible. It was wonderful seeing the people I was able to see, but exhausting too. And a little sad. There are so many people that have sowed into my life and I into theirs, and I couldn't see them all. The ones I did get to see, I could only really get a little snippet of what their life is now in the time we had together. I am grateful for those visits, but in totality, they left me with a greater understanding of myself than I had anticipated.

It's been two years since leaving the South, and I really can't hold onto all that life was and at the same time live the life that is.

Later, as I spent time with family and friends in Florida and Tennessee, I realized something else. I had disordered my priorities with good things. In seeking to serve the Lord through serving others I had lost the pulse on those closest to me. How many hours had I spent on the phone arranging something for someone I know only casually, and when was the last time I spoke to my brother or one of my sisters? How many times have I fed someone else's kid, and when was the last time I played outside with one of my own?

There were a lot more of these kinds of questions that somehow (Holy Spirit?) invaded my mind.
I realized something else.

I care about how people think of me much more than I would like to admit. Over the past few weeks, I have felt the keen eyes of scrutiny turned in my direction, and often from someone close to me who I know to love me dearly. As they say, 'It takes one to know one'. This is how I know the weight of unspoken criticism..... because I, myself, have been the purveyor of such enough times to know it when I see it. Guess what? I am not enough for some people and for others.... I am way too much. It's truly a precious few that I can be at rest with. And so it is for most folks. I am no exception in this way.

And there is grace for this.
The audience of One.

It has been His way with me to often use others to breathe conviction into my heart and mind. He has spoken to me through His word and Holy Spirit as the only mouthpiece as well. I do not suspect He will discontinue any of His various means of discipline and guidance.

What I have learned is that He sends seasons and reminders. He makes us to turn a corner to show us something new.
He is leading me around a corner. I can feel it's sharp edge. He is pulling me away from my addiction to man's approval, back to the audience of One.

That is His grace.

In the month of August we are pulling back.... my family and me. We are unplugging and disconnecting in order to reconnect and learn to dance again for the audience of One.

This is His grace.

How I need His grace.




LYMYWY,
Kara